Writers

There are three types of people in the world: those who write to live, those who live to write, and those who neither live nor write.  I suppose they actually may live, but I’ve not yet figured out how.

Picture yourself in a boat. You row for a moment, and go a bit too far to the right because you aren’t thinking.  So you use the left oar to correct, and soon enough you’re either going in circles, or have given up altogether in favor of trailing your fingers in the water and breathing in the scent of South Louisiana heat.

I love writing even more than I love being in a boat, but find myself drifting away. I begin journals (cue right oar) or notebooks for my children (then left oar), or stories (correction), and then I close the book and put it on a shelf (drifting and breathing). A year later, I buy another book, try again, and step away.  I like the way I feel in the moment, but I don’t like the commitment of feeling like I HAVE to do it (when it is for someone else).  When it is just for me, I like the commitment, but since I am unimportant, I don’t live up to it.

I’ve shared this blog with my brother and niece, and my children have read curated selections that fit the moment they are in, but I have never told anyone else that it is there. A few people follow it, but I don’t know them in real life.  Yesterday, I put a link to a particular post on a Facebook group that I’m in, and in Twitter. It was scary. I know that the people who see it or read it don’t know me and won’t know me, but the Facebook group has my name and photo, and I feel so exposed!

I am trying again with the writing. I’ve passed the last few years as a block of ice, barreling my way through parenting and partnering, and pretty much neglecting myself. I am desperate for meaningful connection at this point, but I’ve learned that meaningful connection has to start with connecting with myself. Hopefully this time I can keep it up. My goal at this point is going to be to write daily through the end of the month. If I can do that, I can continue.